


Infinite Sunshine

by Naiveandoptimistic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Humor, cannon? What cannon?, crackfic, infinity war fix it, infinity war fix-it, peter parker makes a good point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 13:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14450748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naiveandoptimistic/pseuds/Naiveandoptimistic
Summary: Spoilers for Infinity War. What if Peter tried to talk things out with Thanos? Based on the fact that Thanos’ plan doesn’t make real sense. Total crackfic





	Infinite Sunshine

 

Peter was being crushed in the titan’s grip. 

“Pete!!” he could hear Mr. Stark calling out for him.

Peter took a hand and, in a move he had witnessed at wrestling matches at school, tapped on Thanos’ glove. In response, Thanos squeezed tighter.

From the ground, Tony could see Peter giving an insistent if not polite tap on Thanos’ glove.

Thanos released his tight grip on Peter, just enough to allow him to breathe again. Peter’s mask disappeared from his face. Tears streamed down red cheeks as he gasped.

“Mr. Thanos—- sir—- can we—- talk?”

“Do you wish to bargain, little one? You have faught valiantly and would be an asset to my team,” Thanos said. 

“Just a sec, sorry.” Peter rested his forehead on the guantlet in a move that seemed to throw the giant off completely. “We have time to talk, don’t we?”

“I own time now, child.”

“Right, that’s what I’m saying.” Peter breathed out a little puff, trembling. 

Tony couldn’t guess what the he was thinking, trying to bargain with a psychopath. “Kid,” he said warningly.

“So let me just see if I understand your plan.” With one free arm, Peter wiped away the tears from his face. “You want to kill half of everything to end overpopulation and suffering?”

“Correct,” Thanos responded with a slow kind of amusement.

“And your glove can do pretty much literally anything?” Peter responded. “Like, dude, you pulled that moon down here like it was nothing.”

“Yes, the power of the infinity stones is, well, infinite!” Thanos boomed. “All life forms will bow down to me.”

“If you’re worried about resources why not.. make more resources? You know what I’m saying?” Thanos stared at Peter blankly.

“If I make more resources, more lifeforms will be created, and then there will be more shortages.” 

“Right, right, right.” Peter said, looking down at Tony. Tony was looking up at him like he was crazy. “But if you kill half the population of every planet, it will eventually, y’know, recover. And there will be overpopulation again. I mean wouldn’t it make more sense to make more planets? How about double the planets and resources?”

Thanos stood stunned for a moment. “Well.. because.. then space will get crowded.”

“Yeah, believe me Mr. Thanos, I’m from New York,” Peter said. “I get it. But you know, space is actually expanding. I learned about it in astronomy.”

“Kid’s not wrong,” Tony said from the ground. 

“I’m saying, Mr. Thanos— you could make *two* of New York City.” Peter pulled his other arm free and gestured out widely. “This would accomplish the same exact thing that you want. And less people would die, less people would be sad.”

Thanos remained quiet, staring down at Peter.

“And!” Peter continued, gesturing wildly. “People would actually probably really like you and be pretty grateful. And maybe you wouldn’t be so alone anymore.”

“I must admit that this plan never occurred to me,” Thanos said slowly. 

“I mean, maybe killing is just your *thing* man. I don’t know. But I think this plan makes more sense.” Peter gestured down to Tony. “And Mr. Stark? He used to make weapons. Now he makes clean energy to assist the people of Earth. Maybe you guys wanna get together and shoot around some ideas.”

Thanos considered Peter in his hand for a moment. Gently, he lowered him down to the ground. Peter stumbled around stupidly, wounded and exhausted from hours of fighting. Tony wrapped an arm around him and hoisted him up.

“You really have nothing to lose. I mean maybe—- why don’t you just try it out?”

“Right,” Tony agreed. “If you find the results are so terrible, you can just reverse time and go with your other plan.”

Thanos stared down at the two of them for a long moment, and then snapped his fingers.


End file.
